The Lost Post About Popping Pecker Pills

I had a horribly paying gig last year for a 500 word article about Cialis in Australia. Signed over all the rights so I didn't even get a byline, but whatever, I like food. In all honesty, I never really expected it to see the light of day without being butchered as I REALLY punched this one up and was in rare form. I would have loved to post it here, but... Well, this is what happens when you sell all the rights.

Other than Australia being changed to South Africa (which COMPLETELY ruins some of the jokes and makes me angry because I don't know if the stats quoted are correct now) it is here in its entirety. If you were ever wondering how I'd do as an ad writer for boner pills, look no further. Also, why were you wondering that?!
 
It looks like it got posted as the original Australian article elsewhere, but that page is 404.  
 
I'm not going to put in a real hyperlink for Internety reasons, so if you're curious, copy/paste this to your address bar: https://cialisinsouthafrica.com/page/4/

Behold My Passion... Butterfly

A couple weeks ago I had a red, spiky caterpillar on my window.

Later that afternoon, I had what looked like a moldy caterpillar on my window. I noticed it had, strangely enough, dropped its head on the ground. Yes, really.

The next day I had a cocoon that looked like a white, upside down Metapod on my window.

This morning I have a Gulf fritillary, or passion butterfly, on my window.

Happy Rebirthday, little guy! Here's some pics from the coming out party.




If you'll excuse me, I gotta get back to the party. I'm on the hook to buy the next round of nectar.


Five Other Valentine's Days

Here at GUO, we love loving love!

Everyone is already familiar with the origins of St. Valentine's Day, of course. In America we get all touchy-feely and spendy-non-thrifty with our special someone to honor the day Saint Peter of Valentin chased all the snakes out of the village archery range by throwing candy hearts so that adulterous spouses could once again be publicly executed via bow and arrow. It's common knowledge. But what about far-flung couples around the world?

Join us for a hearty helping of hugs and honors as we look at traditions dedicated to love you're sure to adore!


Saint Dwynwen’s Day


Wales honors its own patron saint of gettin' a piece on January 25th. The tale of St. Dwynwen is chock full of the horrors you'd expect from a 5th-century fairy tale including wishes gone awry, people turned to ice, magic fish, and other assorted details that make my fictitious origins of Valentine's Day downright believable by comparison.  Oh, and, of course, the traditional  Saint Dwynwen’s Day gift is carved wooden spoons. I leave the wood in your mouth jokes as an exercise for you, dear reader.


Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime

Well, since I got called out on it for skipping last year, we are once again honoring the brave colonists of Chiron Beta Prime who have the great honor for serving under the auspices of our vastly superior robotic protectors.



From the cast and crew to you, here's wishing you the happiest of holidays!

Have a Bouncy Christmas!


I bet you  though I'd forgoten about you, huh? Bah, you should know better than that! Time's just been a little on the short side lately (To say nothing of the fact that my muse seems to have run off ;) )

Anyhoo, here's a little present I made for you this Christmas. I hope you like it. I had to ditch out on work today to get 'er done. If you'd like to have a go at our all new 2018 Christmas game, A Bouncy Christmas, head on over to MikeyKae.Itch.Io and have a go.

Just use your keyboard to scoot left and right to bouce those presents right into Santa's sack! Some folks with fat-cat phones will find that this works on mobile as well, but just don't hold your breath.  If you are one of the lucky one-percenters, than enjoy the fact I implemented some touch-to-move controls for your enjoyment.

Oh, and my spell-checker seems to be on the blink, so please excuse the typos!

Merry Christmas! We love you!



How Smart are Gmail's New Smart Replies?

The Smart Replies feature included in the new version of Gmail offers quick snippets of text mapped to a button to make human communication more thoughtless and cookie-cutter than ever before. But how smart are they? Let's have some fun!

How about we start out easy:
Alright, simple enough. How about another one?
The time questions are an interesting addition to this particular query. It is unclear why this response triggered a time question reply yet the above one did not. Also of note, an email simply asking "Lunch?" did not have any Smart Replies at all.

What if we needs to know a time?
Nice! It didn't even balk at the typo. What about something with a more binary choice?
Google seems partial to Fridays. Far be it for me to argue with the largest information siphon in the world, but let's try another:
No real opinion on colors. I'm kind of surprised it didn't just plug in the two options on such obvious either/or type questions.

Let's try something a little more... Googley.

I Am Dungeon Master - Building game Concept Demo





I've had this little guy kicking around for a couple of years now and, with things in my personal life being as they are, it seems unlikely that I'll be putting much work into him for a while longer (Unless it happens to catch fire and everyone wants more, of course ;) ). Anyway, while not full-up on content and still shy of a couple major features, I Am Dungeon Master is an enjoyable romp and it is long past time to share.

In this one you'll be constructing your own dungeons, stocking it with treasure and critters, and attempting to balance Threat and Fame to keep the place hip and happening without allowing visiting heroes to destroy the magical Tether that anchors your dark wonderland to reality.

Download for Windows




Feedback is always appreciated. Just mail any address @GrowingUpOtaku.com or comment here. Donations to support this and our other projects can be made at PayPal.me/GrowingUpOtaku

I hope to come back later and add info, tips, and insight into the design process to this post. Things are just a little bonkers right now ;) In the meanwhile, almost everything has two-stage tool tips (Mouse over longer for more info) and learning via experimentation is half the fun!

PSA: It’s Hot: Clean Your Computer (and other electronics)

dirty-laptop-heatsink

It is, once again, that time of the year to nag you to bust out the toothbrushes and compressed air to give your favorite lil’ electricity guzzling buddies a good grooming. It’s dust bunny hunting season!
Need some guidance? Lifehacker has a guide to cleaning your peripherals and desktops (spoiler alert! Unplug and stick a vacuum hose on open spots). Laptop owners not afraid of opening the case up can check out this Instructable’s gude. Pro tip: Keep a coffee mug handy for all those little screws!

And while were sprucing up our stuff, don’t forget about that scrungy, smudgy smartphone and tablet! While I’m of the ‘Just whack it with a Lysol/Clorox wipe’ opinion (Been doing it for years. Works great unless you use a screen protector), here’s a more by-the-book guide.

You know what else generates tons of heat and has air vents you probably haven’t checked for ages? Your kitchen appliances! Microwaves and refrigerators both have rather crucial air intake vents on the back we seldom think about. Still, there they are, busily scooping up wayward hair from that vicious, man-eating excuse for a pet your spouse brought home. Your fridge doesn’t exactly cool your food well when it can’t bring in enough air to keep itself at a reasonable temperature.

Well, it looks like you’ve got work to do, so I’ll let you go. Congratulations on extending the life of your devices!

Christmas Infinite Flyer Kringle Krunch Updated for PCs and Ported to Android


 Ho ho ho, I come bearing gifts!

*Addendum: This post came out a little dry. For something more in line with my usual style just go here.

The Mrs. encouraged me to re-release last year's Christmas game again this year. Definitely a good idea as Kringle Krunch ended up being released a whole two days before Xmas last year when it was played by, approximately, no one.

I took advantage of this opportunity to give the ol' gal a fresh coat of paint in the form of up-scaled or retooled graphics, a parallax background, hi-score tracking, widescreen support, and, most exciting of all, an Android port.

Kringle Krunch is free on all platforms.

A WebGL browser based version is available at MikeyKae.Itch.Io/Kringle-Krunch
Stand alone versions can also be found at MikeyKae.Itch.Io/Kringle-Krunch (Scroll down to the Download Now button). The .zip file contains versions for Windows, Linux, and Mac OSX operating systems.
Finally, the all new Android edition can be downloaded from Google Play.

Thanks for your support and have a magical holiday season!