Yeah, I know how petty is sounds. I try not to lie to myself [or anyone] that I'm some super guy. I try to do the right thing, even while bitching about it; but come on! I chose not to go down this road. I was happy living my pointless, little petty life. Yeah, sure, sometimes I get a little down that I'll be left alone and forgotten on my death bed but that's just the end of the life I wanted to lead. I didn't want to give up everything to further the next generation. I liked what I did. It was nothing great [or even good], but I was happy.
I even tried to give back in my own way. I used to go Black Friday shopping at ToysR Us and pick up all the cheap stuff just to dump it in the Toys4Tots bin. I'd give money to pan handlers. I'm not a bad guy. I just don't want to give up my life for... I don't even really know what parents think. I don't care. I just wanna fix PCs and piss away the money on video games. I know most people would spit on this; Call me a waste of O2. That's okay. I make no apologies, no excuses. It was my choice.
...and at the end, I knew I'd have to lie in that bed I'd made. No excuses. But at least I would know how I got there. Regrets? Maybe. I can't say. Probably.
The Grateful Dead sand "I may be goin' to hell in a bucket, but at least I'm enjoying the ride"
I might not be a good guy, but I'm sure as hell not a bad guy either. Just not productive to society. Whatever that means. Whatever that's worth.
Totally just rambling now. Don't even know what the point was when I started writing this. Gonna go play a video game.