The Road Movie Not Review

I had intended to complete my post apocalyptic movie double feature today, but I don't think I'm going to finish The Road. I'm 20 mins in while I'm typing this, so we'll see.

Hmm? Sorry, got busy playing with Win7's desktop stuff.

Yep. Movie going that well.

Here we have another desaturated grey movie that ripped off its look from a video game. This time its Stalker (or S.T.A.L.K.E.R. to be correct. Stupid name. Its not even an abbreviation in the game). Its also got that oddball soft filter on it they use on those 7-80's horror film remakes. There are only a few bad CG shots at least. In fact you can almost never see more than 50ft in front of the cast due to fog or windows covered in grey smudges. Its one of those films that spends a lot of money on looking low budget.

So why can't I sit through this? I hate this kind of movie. Its an Oscar grab. Its the Machine's version of art. This was a popular book so let just throw in an underrated cast, show a lot of crying and hugging, add sepia filter, shake until bored. Oh and add narration of the lead actor reading from the book while hopped up on cough syrup. Seriously, if you can't get Morgan Freeman, you should not have a narrator. This is especially true when your lead actor narrates in a different accent than he uses in the movie.

You still here? Good. Here's the real problem w/The Road: It leads nowhere. I am now 1hr in. There is no goal, plot, and barely even a setting. It is just a series of overly emotional vinigets designed to play with your emotions for 10 minutes before resetting and moving on. Nothing changed, nothing learned, nothing gained, and no harm done. Its like watching a whole season of a TV show in one go. Ya know, this would have been epic if it was released as a series of 12 minute episodes. But as it is now, I didn't want to sit through more than 3 episodes, let alone 10.

I guess if you want to see a chick-flick post apoc movie, go for it. Just don't try to watch it all at once.

3 comments :

  1. Sounds like you had more fun playing with the baby then you are watching movies without interruption. LOL

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  2. Actually I liked The Book of Eli. There has also been a great deal of Puzzle Questing going on :)

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  3. I didn't finish the movie. I turned it off with about 20mins left. The doctor's office calling gave me a great excuse to bail.

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