Guatemala’s Fuego Volcano, Hot Lava, and a Cool Eruption | Weekend Watchlist

Volcan-Fuego-Rita-Maria-Roesche_PREIMA20120914_0027_37Certainly one of the scariest and most exciting events happening in the world right now is the launch of the new iPhone 5 erupting of Guatemala’s Volcán del Fuego. Hours before the first news broke over the airwaves, the Twitterverse lit up with with Instagram pics, tweets of evacuation, and amateur video footage as Antigua’s small, grumpy, mountain neighbor popped its top. One of the first videos to hit the Internet was from YouTuber archilareina.

 

Archilareina was ready. In spite of the news suddenly appearing to the rest of the world (and contrary to what you may see in movies), volcanoes are neither subtle nor fast. What follows is achilareina’s video from five days prior.

Going back even further is this spectacular night footage from ITN news of the volcano erupting three months ago.

So what is a volcano? Well, you know… cracks, chimneys, magma, all kinds of great stuff to make ‘blue collar’ jokes about. Shame I used up my weekly quota of poop jokes on that Russian Tank. Instead, we turn to episode 5 of PBS’s 1998 Forces of the Wild. Why an hour long video from 1998 that only covers volcanoes for the first 14 minutes? I can explain with five little words: Narrated by James Earl Jones. Your welcome.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “I wonder what happens if you pour lava onto ice.” You’re not thinking that? Oh… Okay, I guess I’ll just put this awesome video back in the vault and- Hmm? Oh, NOW you’re wondering what happens when you pour lava over ice, huh? Boy, are you in luck! I just so happen to have such a video! Imagine that.

That was an exciting match up! It looked like ice was going to win a clear knockout in the first round, then BAM! Lava FTW!

So you don’t know where you a-gonna go when the volcano blows? (Yes, yes, Mr. Buffett, you nickel is in the mail. We know how you are.) Short answer: Anywhere else. Long answer: Forewarned is forearmed. There are 169 active volcanoes in the U.S. alone. More than half of those are potential candidates for “explosive eruption” (Curse you, Russian Tank story!). Fortunately, we have the U.S. Geological Survey to protect us. What’s the USGS doing to save us from molten magma death? They’re watching. What the heck else are they gonna do? It’s a freaking volcano!

Finally we close out this Weekend Watchlist tribute to the volcano gods the only way I know how: With an 11 minute live version of Eddie Van Halen’s legendary guitar noodling solo, Eruption.

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