Google’s Robot Army is Coming. Are You Prepared?

google-spider-pictureAnyone still thinking of The Big G as a plucky little Internet company out to save the digital world either has their has their head in the sand or their brain in the clutches of our future Roomba overlords. In the past decade the tech giant has gone from touting their corporate motto as “Don’t be evil,” to “Could you define evil, please?” to “Bah, it was a stupid motto anyway”. Gone are the free services like news aggregation, personalized home/search pages, and online health records. In their stead we find a founding partner in the PRISIM global wiretap and a ubiquitous social network Plus so aggressive in driving users into its clutches that it makes Facebook blush with modesty. Heck, the ad pushing giant is still fighting the U.S. government over their morally questionable harvesting of unprotected Wi-Fi data from Street View cars! The modus operandi of this digital Cerberus has changed from “Your Internet, your way,” to “Our Internet, the Google way.”

So what does all this have to do with robots? EVERYTHING!

The December 10, 2013 the buyout of Boston Dynamics, the DARPA funded robot masterminds behind militarized robotic walkers,  was the most publicized of Google’s robotics acquisitions, but it was far from their only one. Boston Dynamics was actually the seventh robotics-centric company bought up by Big G in December of 2013 alone. Couple this with previous Googlified companies like DNNresearch, a company devoted to developing deep neural networks (Thinking computers) and more recent acquisitions such as artificial intelligence developer Deep Mind Technologies, and you’ve got a company payroll that would make the CEO of Terminator’s Cyberdyne Systems jealous.

Except Cyberdyne isn’t real. Google is.

Forewarned is forearmed, my fleshy fellows! Board up the windows! Plant landmines in your yard! Put-- 

What’s that? Google just bought UAV (Unmanned Ariel Vehicle) drone manufacturer Titan Aerospace? So… High altitude robot drones capable of dropping Boston built robots that can jump 30ft and are potentially equipped with learning computers… er…

Ya know, let me tell you how much I love Google! I love Google thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much! In fact, I have just gone undercover to harvest the IP address of certain humans who would be interested in reading seditious, anti-Google rhetoric on the Internet. How about a little trade? I’ve always been rather fond of Denmark.

Your life, the Google way.

All Good Things… | The Brick Dead Project

Thank you for clicking on into the thirteenth and final installment of this latest in a long line of projects here on Growing Up Otaku. To view the full series of articles in The Brick Dead Project, click here.

Anti-Disclaimer (Is that a claimer?) – I AM the guy to learn this stuff from. I know my classes from my functions. I know where and how to leverage the mysterious powers of the Quaternion. I have learned that Confucianism has nothing to do with vector mathematics. I am become Game Dev, wearer of fedoras.

BOYD-unitymenuI downloaded the free version of the Unity game development kit out of curiosity on January 28th, 2014. Two weeks later, I dove head first into the world of game creation. One month after the install date, I had created a basic, if rather pretty, scrap of a game. I began writing a series of articles under “The Dead Brick Project” moniker so I could invite you to come along with me on my journey of discovery “not just inside the sausage factory” but “to make our own sausage from scratch.” Moreover, the plan was to do it utilizing completely free software.

In all honesty, I figured the path through this project would be fraught with compromise, heartache, and paywalls as features and visions were slashed wildly in the face of reality. At the end I expected to present my sloppy, laggy knock-off of pong and proclaim “See, THIS is how hard it is to make video games! Remember that the next time you feel like posting on a Steam forum!” What I found instead was a world where our mother’s advice of “You can do anything you set your mind to,” actually applied (Maybe for the first time).