Smash Hello Kitty’s Face into Every Meal

Food, eh? Been there, done that. Isn’t it about time we just turn our meals into a quick, easy pocket of nutrients that we can just shove into our gobs and keep going? I refer, of course, to sandwiches. Why have grilled salmon when you can have a grilled salmon sandwich? Meatloaf? Meatloaf sandwich! Scrambled eggs? Scrambled egg sandwich! Big, juicy steak? Big, juicy steak sandwich! Spaghetti and meatballs? Spaghetti and- er, maybe you should keep a bowl on hand for that one.

Now that we’ve make mealtime much more manageable, wouldn’t if be great to have a gadget that purrfectly prepares pockets of protein? Worry not, friends! As luck would have it, the overworked, ever-insane marketing boys in Sanrio’s tech labs have just just the thing. Now available with compliments from the cute factory comes the Hello Kitty Sandwich Maker. It looks like Hello Kitty AND makes your sandwich look like Hello Kitty! Just crack open Kitty’s skull, stuff your square shaped Wonder of a meal inside, push down really hard for several minutes, and BLAMMO! A yummy meal compressed into a charred lump of bread! Brilliant!

Not convinced? Check out these testimonials from Amazon !

JxG1991 calls it “Perfectly serviceable for a decent price.” Oborochann screams “Awful!” and complains that the machine squeezes all the cheese out of  the sandwiches, a claim verified by Kevin M Albeck’s testimonial: “The first couple sandwiches ended up with no cheese in them because it ran out all over the machine.” Delicious AND helps you loose weight! Finally, hallegirl and Hello Kitty Fan agree that the machine doesn’t actually do a very good job at branding the cute cat character’s face into the bread. But that’s probably user error! What would you expect from someone posting as “Hello Kitty Fan” who just bought a machine to make sandwiches?

So what are you waiting for? Revolutionize meals in the cutest possible way with the Hello Kitty Sandwich Maker

7th Grader Launches Hello Kitty into Space

Lauren Rojas totally ruined the grading curve of her seventh grade class at Cornerstone Christian School in Antioch, California. When the class science project regarding the effects of altitude on temperature and pressure was handed out, Lauren went way, way over the top and launched her favorite feline to edge of Earth’s atmosphere dangling on the end of a high-altitude balloon.

The purrfectly pretty catonaut soared over 93,000 feet to edge of our atmosphere before her balloon, quite literally, burst. Unfazed, Hello Kitty began her glorious decent back to terra firma, where, in true cat style, she became stuck 50 feet up a tree. A local arborist was called for rescue and capsule, camera, and Kitty were successfully recovered.

Hello Kitty Prepped for Tabletop Battle Against Spider-Man and Batman

Is it possible that we’ve gotten this far into 2013 without some bizarre new Hello Kitty crossover product? Worry not friends, those masters of marketing machismo over at the Sanrio have spent the past few months powering up to blow your minds with a hypercharged hadouken of H.Kit.

A new licensing agreement with with National Entertainment Collectibles Association (NECA to their friends) has just been announced for a whole slew of new Hello Kitty branded merch. This newest deal promises to unleash a torrent of new Hello Kitty toys and collectables onto an unsuspecting marketplace including “action figures and statues, high-end lamps, calendars, tea sets, vintage carrying cases, and more.” Speaking of “more”, the deal also includes a provision for NECA subsidiary WizKids to create a Hello Kitty tabletop miniatures game in the HeroClix line.

Yeah. One more time: Hello Kitty is getting a HeroClix game.

Already home to such franchises as Mage Knight, Star Trek, The Amazing Spider-Man, X-Men, and many flavors of DC Heroes, Hello Kitty and Friends are currently being fitted with the famous combat disk base. While no pictures of the new figures were on display for the announcement at the 2013 New York Toy Fair, we did get a picture of the above oversized novelty box. Lovely. WizKids states that the new figures are expected to ship in North America this summer. I, for one, cannot wait to see how the plushy pink princess of purr stands up to Steam Golems! Or Killer Croc!! Or a Sentinel!!! Or…

Only Have Eyes for Hello Kitty with H. Kit Contact Lenses

Eye yay yay! Do you only have eyes for Sanrio’s merch maiden Hello Kitty? Maybe you’d like more Hello Kitty in your eyes! Yessir, H. Kit fans can finally proclaim their love for all things cute and Kitty at a glance with a colorful collection of Kitty faces ringing their eyes.

These non-prescription, vanity lenses are available now at sales outlets (such as Solution Lens for $19.90 a pair) in a variety of colors. But really, if you’re committed to this, pink is the only option you need.

For the Storm Ravaged Northeastern US, GUO Presents Kittens

Harassed by hurricanes one week, beset by blizzards the next. For those stuck suffering through the trails and tribulations of Mother Nature, GUO salutes your bravery and bad luck with the traditional Internet offerings: Pictures of cute kittens to warm your hearts. Enjoy!

Feed Your Hunger for Hello Kitty with H.Kit, The Pork Pie

Another day, another Sanrio marketing tie in. This one is import only and sure to leave you hungry for more!

Now appearing in Circle K and Sunkus stores all over Japan is this limited edition Hello Kitty meat bun! The delectable delight is now available for ¥150 (about $2) in a limited run of 1.5million scrumptious snacks and come complete with a Hello Kitty riddle wrapper. These beautiful bow bearing buns are packed with the piggy goodness of pork, onion, and soy sauce (think wonton filling).

Since Google Translate is a non-stop laugh riot, here’s a transcription of Gigazine’s mouths-on first taste.

“The form is any good pictures of the street look. I So, buy today. Like this, your face properly Kitty I plump Looking out of the wrapping paper. Tsubura eyes staring at me. Is also a beard. Firmly reproduced any part of the ribbon. Hello Kitty hand ride. Visually pretty, certainly too good to eat”

For the original, unbutchered article and a ton more pictures, be sure to check out Gigazine.

Hello Kitty iOS App Uses Augmented Reality to Lead Tourists on a Pokemon Snap Safari Around Japan

Fresh from the “What took ‘em so long?” archives comes the Visit Japan with Hello Kitty iOS app. Officially sanctioned by the Japan Tourism Agency, this free application features Sanrio’s ubiquitous feline mascot as your personal ambassador to the Land of the Rising Sun. Shutterbugs can now take pictures with specially themed Hello Kittys in dozens of locations all over Japan thanks to the magic of GPS and augmented reality. Play paparazzi with H.Kit enough times and you’ll unlock a series of bonus wallpapers that would go great with your insanely impractical Hello Kitty themed iPhone case.

Not visiting Japan anytime soon? That’s okay, the Visit Japan with Hello Kitty app comes with more than 50 perfectly precious pink pictures to peruse. Ever wanted to see Hello Kitty dressed up like octopus balls? Boy, are you in for a treat!

Visit Japan with Hello Kitty is available for free on iPhone 3GS or newer devices via iTunes.

The app is also stated to work with iTouch 3rd gen or newer and iPads, but these machines lack the GPS needed to use the camera portion of the application.

Anyone else suddenly feel hungry for cute, fuzzy takoyaki?

Loving the Hatred: Hello Kitty Knife Holder

She’s everywhere. She's on your phone. She’s in your food. She’s even ready to follow you into the great beyond. She’s Hello Kitty, and one studio has created a tie-in product that gives many of you exactly what you want.

This is the “Goodbye Kitty Knife Set with Holder”. From Raffaele Iannello Creative Studio:

“To try to make everybody happy (those who loves her and those who hates her) Raffaele Iannello reinterpreted the well-known figure with his own ironic and desecrating style, transposing the concept of his famous Voodoo/TheEx knife set. This is how this prototype (right now a one-off piece not for sale) came about, which portrays the famous cat in the exact instant in which her lifeless body falls backwards, after being stabbed with five kitchen knives.”

Originally created as a singular piece, Goodbye Kitty was such a big hit at the 2012 Milan Design Week that the studio is in talks with Sanrio to acquire the rights for a retail production. Yeah, I’m sure that will go well.

World’s First Hello Kitty Themed Spa Opens in Dubai

Proving once again that no place is safe from Sanrio’s marketing might, the world’s first Hello Kitty themed beauty spa opened in Dubai’s Town Centre Jumeirah.

Offering services such as Kitty-cure, Kitty Glam facials, and Toe-Tally Perfect (Really? They passed on the Purrfect pun?) the pampering palace sports “unique formulas created with excellent quality and only for Hello Kitty Beauty Spa.” The Hello Kitty Spa only uses organic products in their children’s services to protect your pretty princesses.

Check it out outline at hellokittybeautyspa.com or click the video below for Dubai in a Frame.com’s opening day walkthrough.

Hello Kitty Merch to Die For

Well, this one takes the cake. We’ve featured a lot of strange Hello Kitty merchandise. H. Kit and friends seem to dominate every item possibly imaginable from toasters to cell phone cases. Perhaps it’s time to put a nail in that coffin. What would the ultimate collector of Hello Kitty need to complete crown their collection? What could possibly satisfy the cravings of the Kitty superfan once and for all.

Hello Kitty coffin and tombstone!

Source: Hello Kitty Hell

When Over-Merchandised Brands Collide…

I just don’t even know where to start with this one…

Sanrio has partnered with rock band Kiss to create a sickening morass of worn out, over-marketed merchandising hell so dark that it is a miracle that the image below does not collapse in upon itself with the shriek of a thousand murdered cash cows.

Yes, these Kiss Hello Kitty dolls are real, officially endorsed, and, hopefully, contained to Japan.

Blame ANN for the news.

Hello Kitty All Dolled Up for Halloween

Never one to miss an excuse to launch a new product line, Sanrio has unveiled that Hello Kitty Monster collection. Gaze in horror as Hello Kitty dons the costumes of Frankenstein, The Mummy, a skeleton, and 2 different ghosts. These adorably terrifying keychains are available from Strapya World for $12.50.

Nom Nom Nom and Eat Up All the Hello Kitty!

Man, my girls sure do love themselves some Hello Kitty! BG’s been bragging about her new Hello Kitty socks all week and I recently had to talk the Mrs. out of a Hello Kitty DS case that wouldn’t fit her old fatty system. If only I had a small factory that could crank out new H. Kit (yo!) merch every day. The Mrs. still isn’t ready to spring for a 3D printer, so that’s out. Hmm…

Ah ha! Behold the Hello Kitty toaster!

For an initial investment of $20 at Target, I can serve up an endless supply of hot and tasty Sanrio inspired merchandise on a daily basis!

Considering the punchline for all of BG’s jokes these days is “I eat it!”, this should be a hit.

Deep Breath In… and Say “Super Cute Ice Cream Cake Hello Kitty Hard Cover for iPhone 4”

Yes, the “Super Cute Ice Cream Cake Hello Kitty Hard Cover for iPhone 4” is actually listed as the “Super Cute Ice Cream Cake Hello Kitty Hard Cover for iPhone 4”. Just kinda rolls off the tongue. Marketing is proud.

It’s easy to see how some folks would want to add a little razzle-dazzle to the monolithic black slab of an iPhone. Rather than forcing those people to sit, Clockwork Orange style, through Steve Jobs lecturing on the beautiful metal band around the edge (which you MUST NEVER TOUCH lest it drop your call), perhaps they might fancy the SCICCHKHC4I4 That wasn’t any easier to type .

…And, really, what more is there to say? It’s super cute, made of hard plastic, has Hello Kitty, looks like an ice cream cake, and fits the iPhone 4. Maybe the fact that all of those super cute bumps an baubles are guaranteed to wreak havoc on your pockets, purses,  paws, and posteriors? What’s a little stigmata compared the joy of putting a super cute Hello Kitty faux ice cream cake hard cover on your iPhone 4?

Surprisingly lacking in the product name is the fact you can get this from SourceSquare for $20.