IT DOESN'T SUCK!!! Safari Mixer for Google Assistant

I have had the dubious 'pleasure' of encountering several of the 'games' released for Google's voice enabled personal assistant, humorlessly dubbed Google Assistant (Because giving an AI you're supposed to identify with a name like Alexa or Cortana to make a human connection is, obviously, beyond the capabilities of Google engineers).

My initial encounters with Assistant games were promising. Perhaps the first one I stumbled across was Google's own Riddle Rooms, an quirky, atmospheric, and psychedelic journey narrated by the default Assistant voice.  I also had some nostalgic fun playing Dungeon RPG, a voice controlled remake of the classic text adventure Zork. It is not the ideal way to play Zork, but it was fun to wander around Flood Control Dam #3 while cooking dinner.

Most of titles take the form of quizzes of varying quality. Diving deep into the library of shovelware in this voluminous category of software is not for the faint of heart. Outside of the most popular entries, you'll find scads of broken, incomplete, and just wrongly labeled trash. Modern History featuring questions on Waterloo and The Crusades; World History that focuses exclusively on modern politics in India; Quizes from popular TV shows featuring a whopping 3 questions in total. Naturally, spelling, grammar, and capitalization (if you are playing on a phone instead of a smart speaker) and all implemented to varying degrees at random. There's even a "Fun Quiz" that is nothing but math word problems ripped from a textbook somewhere (Probably India). Fun indeed.

And I guess we should have a special shout-out the the small category of love-starved, offensively robotic, and completely inane 'virtual girlfriends'. No, Chatbot Julie. No matter how many times you ask, I do not want to kiss you. Yes, I'm glad you find that "Interesting".

But, just like real life, if you sift through enough crap you find... Umm...

"Okay Google, what is something good you can find in poop?"

Yeah... Let's not and say we did. I have Safe Search turned off. "Hey Google, abort metaphor."

Anyhoo, Safari Mixer is a breath of fresh air in the fecal stench filled world of Assistant games.

More toy than game, Safari Mixer asks you to name 3 animals which it then blends together and presents to you with a silly name, fun fact, animal sound, and a delightful image of your Moreauvian beast (Sorry smart speaker users, you're missing half the fun).

Much to my surprise, Safari mixer is no slouch on content. There are a number of animals included and the app will offer suggestions if you're drawing a blank or asking for an unsupported critter. There is also a remix option for the creature you just created, but I had problems with app crashing trying to use it.

It may not be the most riveting of pastimes, but is a light delight to mix up a mutant freak when you have a minute to kill. I can imagine young children getting a huge laugh out of this. I know I did.

Much like the advent of touchscreen gaming, it will take a while for designers to crack the code on what a virtual assistant game can be, but Safari Mixer is a shining beacon of hope in the primordial morass of smart speaker plug-ins. It is charming, accessible, and, most important of all, entertaining.

Try it for yourself by cuddling up to your favorite Google Assistant enabled device and say "Okay Google, let me talk to Safari Mixer".

How Smart are Gmail's New Smart Replies?

The Smart Replies feature included in the new version of Gmail offers quick snippets of text mapped to a button to make human communication more thoughtless and cookie-cutter than ever before. But how smart are they? Let's have some fun!

How about we start out easy:

Alright, simple enough. How about another one?

The time questions are an interesting addition to this particular query. It is unclear why this response triggered a time question reply yet the above one did not. Also of note, an email simply asking "Lunch?" did not have any Smart Replies at all.

What if we needs to know a time?

Nice! It didn't even balk at the typo. What about something with a more binary choice?

Google seems partial to Fridays. Far be it for me to argue with the largest information siphon in the world, but let's try another:

No real opinion on colors. I'm kind of surprised it didn't just plug in the two options on such obvious either/or type questions.

Let's try something a little more... Googley.

World of Tanks Blitz | I Played That

Game Profile: World of Tanks Blitz

• Genre: Slow Motion Multiplayer Team Deathmatch Arena (Online 3rd person shooter)
• Developer: Wargaming.net
• Publisher: Wargaming.net
• Service Requirements: Online connection, Game Center or Wargaming.net account
• Available For: iOS
• ESRB Rating: Not rated. No blood (or even people) are present. No swearing.
• Price: Free
• Amount Completed: 8 hours. Tier III for all nations.
• Played On: iPad 2

 

Personal Bias:

Played a bit of World of Tanks on PC. Didn’t like it, but I could appreciate the game.

 

In a Nutshell:

World of Tanks (WoT), the slowest online deathmatch arena in the world, beloved by old men, Russians, and old Russian men, comes to mobile. The Blitz variant of WoT scales down the action to smaller (yet still large) maps, 7-man teams, and a single capture point in brisk, seven minute matches.

 

Defiance: Free-to-Play | I Played That

Game Profile: Defiance

Genre: Borderlands MMO. Or Firefall if it worked and had content (3rd-person shooter MMO)

Developer: Trion Worlds

Publisher: Trion Worlds

Service Requirements: Online connection, Trion Glyph account

Available For: PC, PS3 (goes free July15), Xb360 (free date TBA)

ESRB Rating: M for Blood, Drug Reference, Sexual Themes, Strong Language, Violence

Amount Completed: About 30 hours. EGO level 500ish.

Played On: PC 

 

Personal Bias:

None. I don’t know the show this is based on. I’m not familiar with Trion Worlds.

In a Nutshell:

Online open world run-n-gun shooter full of random folks wielding randomly generated guns in a constant stream of spontaneous events.

Released in 2013 as a retail MMO product with no subscription as a marketing tie-in to the SyFy television show of the same name, it debuted with the problems typical to online game launches such as an aimless design and a dearth of content. Fast forward two years and Defiance jam packed full of missions, public quests, co-op/competitive instances, and drops the price tag to boot.

Watch Dogs | I Played That

In the past I’ve said that there wasn’t much point in writing reviews for popular games due to the glut of information on the Internet. However, it seems that some folks still look for my input on certain titles anyway (Thanks, Kris!). “I Played That” is an attempt to meet halfway. The concept is to bang out a quick little pros/cons type thing that won’t require me to complete a game or spend two days composing a proper review. As such, I’ll be doing such unprofessional things as comparing this-to-that, describing stuff simply as ‘fun’, and scoring more with my heart than my head.

Pardon the dust as I figure out how to best construct this new article format and, as always, feel free to send comments/emails/carrier pigeons as to what information you’d like to see covered in this feature.

Game Profile: Watch_Dogs

Genre: Cyberpunk GTA Clone (Open-world urban crime shooter)

Developer: Ubisoft Montreal

Publisher: Ubisoft

Service Requirements: Uplay

Available For: PC, PS3, PS4, Xb360, XbOne, Wii-U (coming “fall”). Multiplayer companion game available on iOS & Android for free.

ESRB Rating: M for Blood, Intense Violence, Nudity, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content, Use of Drugs and Alcohol

Amount Completed: About 50% in roughly 20 hours. I plan on completing it.

Played On: PC 

 

In a Nutshell:

GTA by way of Assassin’s Creed with a very cool ‘ghost in the machine’ hacking gimmick.

Ubi continues the trend that has brought them so much success in recent years by crafting another beautiful AAA open-world title with a heavy, yet optional, emphasis on stealth and gadgets. Watch_Dogs features tons of collectables, unique multiplayer modes (including the ability to covertly enter and ‘hack’ another person’s game for a little hide-n-seek, and checkpoint races against opponents on mobile platforms controlling police and security systems), and a great balance of tactical planning and crazy action.

Review: FTCE Flashcards (Android) – Um… Sorry, Words Can’t Describe the Horror

When yours truly is left without a catchy title to plug in, you know we’re going to some deep, dark places.

Welcome to the world for FTCE Flashcards, an Android app designed to help teachers study for the Florida Teacher Certification Examinations. Yep, we’re going to the top of the educational food chain today with a study aid designed to help those who make the kids study study. And if you think that sentence was awkward, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

If a picture is worth a thousand words, this may be out longest review yet. Let us join the Mrs. on her photographic safari into the world of FTCE Flashcards as designed, created by, and sold from BH Inc, the folks behind Superflashcard.com!

Remember, you can click on any image to view a larger version or even right-click/save image to create desktop wallpapers to scare away literate folks.

First stop, Google Play where this app has 55 five-star reviews and two three-star reviews.

Let’s Sell the Mrs’ Stuff Back to Amazon!

Not content to merely dominate its retail competitors, Amazon is looking to put the kibosh on local yard sales as well. Yes folks, the titan of e-commerce want your old junk. They seem to have really streamlined the system, too. Just hit up the web site, click a button, print out the pre-paid shipping label, and kick it to the curb. So far the offer is open to select items from the categories of movies, music, video games, electronic gadgets, and THE most expensive commodity in the modern world: Textbooks.

If you can see the above image, you should install an ad blocker ;)

Ooo, I can practically spend that free money now! Let’s see, I’m sure there’s some stuff around here I don’t need anymore. Hmm… Ah! How about that Pacific Rim Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack I got the Mrs. for her birthday! That’s gotta be worth a buck or two! Let’s see… it’s worth… $0.25. A quarter?! Really?!

Okay, time to kick it up a notch! How ‘bout her Nexus 7 tablet. I never use this thing (‘cause she’s always on it), so I guess we don’t need it. Let’s see… It’s not the 2013 model, so… $52.50. Man, I’d actually loose money by the time I got some crappy knock-off refurb to cover my tracks.

Ah! Paydirt! Let’s check out the Mrs’ new Asus S550C touchscreen laptop. Aw, not listed. There is, however, an Asus K55A. Not a bad little machine. Specs are a 2.5Ghz Core i5, 4GB of RAM, and a 500GB hard drive. Still a great system by modern standards. Guess how much? $55. Yup, 55 USD. Man, I’ll take two! I always wanted to mount a PC in the bathroom.

Alight, time to get serious. I’ve had me eyes on that shiny, new iPad Air. Let’s see what I can get for my trusty ol’ iPad 2. This thing’s a beauty! Flawlessly jailbroken, disabled lock screen, default browser changed to Chrome, still running the last good version of iOS (5.1.1), and stylishly decorated with a bloodstained radiation symbol over that ostentatious-excuse-for-an-ad Apple logo. Heck, I bet I could trade this thing straight-up for an Air! Let’s see… 150 bones. No bonus for stickers. Must be an oversight. Still, after the $55 laptop, not half bad for a three year-old tablet.

So, that’s Amazon’s trade in program. As with most programs of this type, prices range from barely acceptable to WTF. Definitely better than throwing it in the trash, maybe not as good as passing it on to friends, family, or charity. At least they pay for the shipping. Check it out for yourself here.

Growing Up Otaku Game of the Year 2013: Warframe

Most of my favorite gaming moments of the past year have involved watching the evolution of Digital Extremes’ self-published free-to-play co-op shooter Warframe. Not since Max Payne have I been so enamored with a third-person action game and not since Doom 2 have I spent so much time teamed up with buddies running and gunning through monster infested corridors.

Warframe nails the recipe for an excellent action game. Mix great graphics, a unique art style, and buttery smooth controls for a variety of outrageous moves. Add generous helpings of MMO-styled level progression and gear customization that allows for shotguns that shoot lightning through walls and flamethrowers that belch armor-piercing viruses. Blend thoroughly a blisteringly fast pace that delivers on the concept of everything that a highly acrobatic space ninja armed with such outlandish weapons could be capable of. Serve it up for free to the pulse pounding beat of Japanese taiko drums. Presto! You’ve got the year’s most spectacular shooter that plays equally well whether you’ve got 15 minutes or three hours at your disposal.

Yep, I said free space ninja shooter set to taiko drums. If you aren’t downloading at this point, you may very well be on the wrong web site.

 

Review: Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs Forgets to Include Terror and Gameplay

Horror games received a much needed shock to the system in 2010 when Frictional Games, teetering on the brink of bankruptcy and forced to self-publish digitally before such things were common, released Amnesia: The Dark Descent. It was a revolution. Amnesia doubled sales estimates as word spread of a new breed of horror game. Rock, Paper, Shotgun called the original Amnesia game “the most successfully frightening game to have been made." Popular opinion agreed. Word spread. The game’s oppressive atmosphere, spectacular sound design, interactive environments, and sanity breaking hallucinations redefined, not horror, but terror in the interactive medium. Horror fans consider having actually finished Amnesia: The Dark Descent as a badge of honor, so harrowing is the experience. It is no small wonder that fans of fright have been eagerly anticipating that classic’s follow-up, Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs, for some time now.

Those fans of the original Amnesia are certainly in for a scary surprise. A Machine for Pigs (AMFP) isn’t scary, let alone terrifying.

Free and Spectacular! Plants vs Zombies 2 is Out for iOS

I was going to wait until I got through this one and write up a full review but, judging by the player numbers, no one is really waiting for a critic’s word on this one. And you shouldn’t either! At least if you have iOS. PvZ2 will be arriving on all other platforms soon.

Plant like it’s 2009! Crazy Dave now has a talking time machine and a taco. Upon eating the taco, everyone’s favorite seed supplier wants to take a trip backwards along the timeline to eat it again. With nothing better to do, you’re tagging along for the ride to turn all new mummy, pirate, and cowboy themed zombies into fertilizer. With sharper graphics and phenomenal animation, PvZ 2: It’s About Time delivers that same addictive strategy fun that made it a smash hit with both casual and hardcore gamers alike.

Skeptical of free-to-play titles on mobile? Yeah, you should be. At first blush PvZ2 looks like just another shameless cash grab from EA. Buy buttons featuring outrageous prices are everywhere and a shop offers your old vegie buddies from PvZ1 for several dollar apiece. Folks sensitive to microtransactions are going to pop their corn over this one!

Surprisingly, none of these purchases are required to enjoy the game. There are more than enough new plants to replace the few missing from the previous title. Keys used to access side areas for bonuses and minigames are random (if rare) drops while playing. Coins used for delightfully fun and effective touchscreeny power-up moves like flicking zombies off the screen or pinching their heads drop every time you play. Only the most impatient or time constrained players will ever feel the need to trade moolah for mayhem.

It’s been a long time since the holy trinity of Sunflower, Peashooter, and Wall-nut took on the armies of cosplaying undead and It’s About Time they did it again. The plentiful weeds of cash-nags can’t drain all the nutrients from this garden of delights. Highly recommended!

Plants vs Zombies 2: It’s About Time is available now for iOS and coming soon to anything with a CPU and screen.

Review: Ultima Forever (iPhone/iPad)–Quest of the Keymaster

Boy did I oversell this title in a recent post…

While Ultima Forever does an admirable job of bringing players back to the long lost land of Britannia, the trip is fraught with the perils of laggy gameplay, repetitive dungeon grinding, and a pay-to-open-lottery boxes-and-hope-you-win scheme so offensive it could only exist on mobile.

Let’s deal with the 50-foot dragon in the room first. Ultima Forever’s (UF) economy runs on one thing: Keys. You got yer copper keys that you’ll find everywhere, silver keys that are created from crafting 18 copper keys into 6 silvers, and gold keys that represent you premium currency. Apparently in you absence from Britannia, the shopkeepers have decided that actually buying and selling items is bad for business. The only way to gain items is via treasure chests that dot every town and dungeon. What type of key you use to unlock the chest determines what loot table you’ll get goodies from. And we’re not just talking one key per chest opening. You’ll need six copper or silver keys just for a chance at mediocre gear or quest required items (yes, really), and a whopping eight gold keys for a pull on the high-roller slots for a shot at the good stuff. Get something you didn’t need or want? Your only option is to put it in the trash. No selling, no crafting, no refunds.

Review: Haunted Hollow (iPhone/iPad)–Half-Dead Monster Mash

Firaxis Games is no stranger to strategy titles. The house that Sid Meier built is home to some of the most compelling exercises in tactics known to gamers like the Civilization series and the recent reimagining of Xcom. The strategy game powerhouse has something a little more intimate in mind than a globe conquering Incan Empire or an Earth threating alien invasion for their this original foray into the iOS games space. This time you’ll be recruiting a team of Hollywood monsters and racing against a single opponent to scare to bejeezus out of the local townsfolk while battling the horror of overpriced in-app purchases.

Haunted Hollow is a board game styled experience that pits you against a friend, or a rather weak AI, in the role of the dark lord of a spooky mansion. Each turn you’ll draw and build a random monster lair from your deck and spend Fear Points (actions) as you see fit to add extra lairs to your haunted house, create monsters, move, attack, and activate special abilities. Monsters come in three types: Scary monsters used to gain ground, Fighty monsters to put the smack down on your opponent’s minions, and Special monsters that usually do both. The goal is territory control as your monsters race to Scare (claim) every house in town. As more houses are claimed and frightened townies flock to the local church, a tough, neutral third party enters the fray in the form of a torch-wielding mob that burns everything, monsters and houses, in its path.

Review: Sid Meier’s Ace Patrol (iPhone/iPad)–Strategy Versus The Red Baron

Turn-based tactical depictions of aerial combat have long been a mainstay of miniature wargamers’ tabletops for decades. Armed with millimeter rulers and protractors, armchair air commanders have fussed over tiny miniature planes on fiddly adjustable bases for decades. Strangely, this form of gaming has never garnered much attention in the digital space, and all but vanished since Windows stopped sporting double digits on it’s splash screen. Enter legendary game designer Sid Meier, whose past credits include some of the most loved flight simulators of the DOS era like F-15 Strike Eagle and F-19 Stealth Fighter, with this latest mobile title that brings the high-flying heroics of World War I aces to a touchscreen near you.

Sid Meier's Ace Patrol (SMAP!) gives you command of a squadron of pilots during the first War to End All Wars tasked with a variety of missions including bomber escort, blowing up supply trains, gunning down observation balloons, and generally furballing it up with opposing aircraft. Ace Patrol takes a number of cues from Firaxis’ recent rebooting of the vaunted Xcom franchise and features both the engrossing tactical action of the air duels themselves and a strategic metagame that sees your best pilots and planes improving while your worst ones sit grounded for healing and repairs.

Review: Zeno Clash II (PC/Xbox 360/PS3)–Twice as Big, Twice as Weird, Twice as Unmissable

It could be argued that the original Zeno Clash never should have made it to market. Born out of the Source mod scene, its gameplay took the first-person shooter engine and retuned it for melee combat, a strategy that’s rarely met with success. It’s surrealistic art style brazenly thumbed its nose at overused, mass-market friendly settings filled with elves, space marines, and dude-bros in camo with assault rifles. It was a fantasy boxing simulator spliced Through the Looking Glass with the works of Salvador Dali. Yes, Zeno Clash was the sort of title hardcore gamers clamor for: New, bold, and wholly original. Now, four years later, Zeno Clash is back, thanks to the help of Atlus, famed publisher of strange JRPGs, and it is bigger, bolder, and more beautifully original than ever.

Zeno Clash II is a direct sequel to the original first-person puncher and picks up shortly after Ghat’s return from the End of the World with the Golem and the reveal of Father-Mother’s horrible secret. The sequel’s opening has Golem taking a guiding role to the city of Halstedom, teaching the barbaric inhabitants new terms such as “law,” “criminal," and “jail". These concepts don’t sit well with many of the Zenos, including the notoriously rebellious Ghat. Spurred to action by his sister, Ghat begins a new journey to reunite the family of Father-Mother, break her out of jail, and discover the means to fight the Golem at the upcoming trial. Along the way, he’ll face-punch the many unique people and critters inhabiting the world of Zenoziok while trying to stay one step ahead of his nemesis in an effort to stave off civilization. Yes, really.

Review: Wizardry Online (Windows)–The Heroically Hardcore Dark Souls of MMORPGs

Wizardry Online makes doesn’t mix words. It is out to kill you. Permanently. Its home page proclaims WO as the “most hardcore fantasy MMO ever created,” and sports the tag line “Free to play die.” Its intro video features an adventuring part being wiped out with a lone survivor running for his life. The first two dungeons include dying NPCs with dire words of warning. Wizardry’s bark is a thunderous roar that shakes the very foundation of online gaming, but does its bite live up to it?

While it may not fulfill the “ever” part of the claim, Wizardry Online certainty IS one of the most intense and challenging dungeon romps available today. How so? Ah, where to start… No regenerating health, no regenerating mana, deteriorating weapons and armor, spells and specials are easily interruptible, dungeons are full of traps; treasure chests are full of traps, leveling needs to be done at an inn or magic fountain, character stats can go down as well as up when leveling, PVP is always on after a ‘noob’ grace period, gankers can steal your stuff, and the tutorial dungeon killed me. Twice. Oh, and poor or unlucky players are subjected to the possibility of character-rerolling permadeath. Also, the game is hard. All that said, WO tempers its laundry list of lulz with with smart design that keeps the game feeling fair and ensures that its most dramatic features are kept in check.

Review: BioShock Infinite (Windows PC/Xbox 360/PlayStation 3)–You Will Believe the Unbelievable

A note before we start: If it sounds like we’re being a bit vague, it’s because we are. We felt it best to avoid mentioning anything other than the most basic of plot points or setting details, even when they overlap with gameplay mechanics, to preserve the surprise and wonder of your own exploration of BioShock Infinite.

In a genre littered by grey and tan shooters, BioShock Infinite (BI) is more than a breath of fresh air; It’s a VIP pass at the most expensive oxygen bar around. Donning the troubled past of the noir-styled, down on his luck PI Booker DeWitt, players are rocketed into the fascinating steampunk nation of Columbia, a flying clockwork city where images of the American founding fathers pose as the Holy Trinity to the God fearing populace circa 1912. And then it gets strange…

The world of Columbia is one of the single most original and beautiful worlds yet created for a video game. The color pallet practically explodes off the screen. From the red, white, and blue pageantry of Columbia, to the warm yellow-orange of the bright sunshine, to the gloriously overblown ‘god rays’ streaming through stained glass, Irrational Games creates their wholly original world using more colors than those forgotten by Call of Duty’s designers. More impressive, the color and atmosphere change and evolve throughout the game as it moves into the darker themes of racism, nationalism, fanaticism, and the characters’ own pasts. Much like an animated feature, the art is exaggerated just enough to keep it out of the ‘uncanny valley’ and prevent the title from looking dated in the years to come.

Likewise, the soundscape is a wonderful collage of subtle ambient orchestral scores, BioShock’s disharmonious violin-centric combat themes, and period music, along with a few exceptional surprises I won’t ruin here. Barks of your friends, foes, and the general populace are district, non-repetitive, and add yet another layer of flavor to BI’s strange new world. The only disappointment is the voice of Booker himself. He never quite feels entirely appropriate, no matter the circumstance, and is prone to chattering to himself (you) to the point of distraction in the early hours of the game. He gets the job done, but in a cast of stand out personalities, he’s definitely the weak link.

Flex Your Creativity Every Day With DrawQuest

Remember me, art? I’m baaack!

From the mind of Chris Poole, perhaps better known as 4chan’s moot, comes this free iPad application that challenges users to get their doodle on each and every day. In DrawQuest you’ll be provided with the challenge of filing in the blanks of a picture. For example, an empty outline of stick figure wearing a cape with prompt you to “Create your own superhero” and set you free with the app’s robust and easy to use art tools.

Unlike social games such as Draw Something, there is no scoring mechanic in DrawQuest. Eachdail picture, or ‘quest’, you complete will earn coins that can be used to unlock additional colors to paint, pen, and marker with. Drawing on tablets is always a satisfying experience, but I was genuinely surprised as to how good dialing through the color wheel feels. DrawQuest does require users to sign up with either a Facebook account or email address. Completed pictures can be shared across your social media empire via Twitter or Facebook with the tap of a button. Each quest also allows you to browse the gallery of your fellow questers’ creations. These can be starred to shared as desired. This gallery even includes the rather amazing feature of watching a playback of how the selected picture was created, stroke by stroke.

If you enjoy doodling but are daunted by a blank canvas, DrawQuest is just the creative outlet you’ve been waiting for.

DrawQuest in available for iPads running iOS 5.1 or later. Get it free from iTunes.

The Masses Meet Microsoft Surface Pro | Weekend Watchlist

Read along with me in a dramatic voice:

In a world of overgrown cell phones… A world where thin and light masks gimpy guts… One tablet… Aspired to be different… One tablet… Dreamed of being… A laptop!

Big dramatic music cue and-

Microsoft Surface Pro: The Ultrabook you want. The tablet you crave.

Or is it?

It was inevitable: PC power in a tablet form factor. The big surprise was that Microsoft, perhaps not the first name that comes to mind as either a PC or tablet manufacturer, was first to market with this dream hybrid. Rocking an Intel dual-core Core i5 Processor, 4 GB of RAM, 1080p display, and running the full, 64-bit version of Windows 8 Pro, Surface Pro is undoubtedly the first of a new generation in portable computing.

In this edition of the Weekend Watchlist we take a look at the first reviews and hands-on impressions of early adopters to see if Surface Pro is the third coming of the PC or just another tablet turkey.

First up, an overview of the device straight from Microsoft.

Review: Omerta: City of Gangsters (Xbox 360/PC)–A Jagged Alliance of Mobsters

Psst! Hey, buddy. Fancy yerself a nip of the ol’ turn-based tactics? How’s ‘bout a bit o’ city building? Twist of RPG stats an’ perks? Sure, sure. Maybe say we mix it all up in an oak barrel and age it back to the roaring twenties? Sound good? Well, lemme tells ya, Haemimont Games, the cats behind Tropico 3 and 4, have gots an offer ya can’t refuse.

Omerta: City of Gangsters puts you in the stylish shoes of <your name here> D’Angelo as he steps off the boat from the old country and into prohibition era Atlantic City. In the beefy 20 mission campaign you’ll follow D’Angelo as he takes his first missteps on the Jersey shore to becoming boss of Atlantic City and troubles that follow. The game’s flow mirrors other strategy classics such as Jagged Alliance or XCOM. You begin at an overhead view of a neighborhood where you’ll rent buildings for setting up various business to generate cash, goods, or reputation. You’ll also have the opportunity to deal with already present business via a friendly buyout or less friendly fire bombing. Every action you take causes ripples across the neighborhood as each establishment adjusts its opinion of you. When a raid goes wrong or some canary needs to be silenced you’ll drop down to location in question and take turns trading gunfire and knife swings up close and personal. Beyond the campaign you’ll find turn-based online play, both competitive and cooperative, to pit your favorite mob of mobsters against a friend, and an objective free sandbox mode, but these feel more like freebie bonuses than full fledged game features.

Monkey Island’s Insult Swordfighting Reminds Your Browser it Surfs Like a Cow

Harkening back to the 1990s piratey point n’ click adventure, Monkey Island Insult Swordfighting by Karza recaps the comic misadventures of Guybrush Threepwood on his quest to become a mighty pirate. You’ll need to prove that your wit is twice as sharp as your sword as you attempt to collect and match barbed insults with to-the-point retorts against unsavory brigands to prove yourself worthy of being trained by the Sword Master of Melee Island.

This HTML5 coded browser game collects not just the insults from the original game, The Secret of Money Island, but those from the third installment, The Curse of Money Island, as well for maximum verbal violence. The title is suitable for jokester of all ages and skill levels, requiring only a sense of humor and good memory. The source code is available for download and it even runs on mobile browsers! Check it out.